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When I was drunk, my buddy's girlfriend was nice enough to be our DD. She drove us all around Santa Monica to different bars. It was about 1:15 in the morning and we stopped to get one last beer. At the bar my buddy started to tell me a story about how he was banging his girlfriend doggystyle when his dick slipped out of her hatchet wound and plunged into her butthole. When he pulled out, his girlfriend ripped a ferocious fart that my buddy described as, "an unholy stench." We heard a voice clear behind us and we realized that she had been standing there throughout the duration of the story. I don't think he got laid that night.

#11
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I agree, you are screwed (61) - You deserved that one (17)

Oct 18, 2009 06:33 PM - Human Excretions - by DannyBoy23

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I came home to my apartment one night after a sorority event completely hammered. I was severely dehydrated from all the girly sugar shots I had consumed. I went to my desk and grabbed one of about ten water bottles that were sitting there. Without looking I threw back the bottle and downed it. Unfortunately I had previously used that water bottle as a spittoon from the Skoal I had dipped earlier. I repainted the walls with my own stomach bile. NG.

#10
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I agree, you are screwed (26) - You deserved that one (13)

Oct 18, 2009 06:14 PM - Human Excretions - by DemzLykeForties

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When I was drunk on Halloween, my buddy Evan dressed up as a terrorist. He was wearing a long white gown, a turban and had a big fake beard. Pretty risque'. We went to this warehouse party in Oakland that our friends were throwing and got smashed. My friend Kev and I found a pair of scissors and grabbed a ton of these glowsticks that were hung everywhere. We cut the tops off and took turns running behind evan and spraying his back with the luminous liquid. He looked like a giant glow worm from hell. Unbeknown to us, evan had decided to walk home (to Berkeley - aka several miles). At 3 am and wasted, he walked through ne of the roughest areas in the bay dressed as a radio active Osama Bin Laden.

#9
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I agree, you are screwed (6) - You deserved that one (26)

Oct 18, 2009 05:54 PM - Shamings - by Harry Twater

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When I was drunk I threw a water bottle filled with vodka in the trunk of my car. A few months later I came running out of the gym dehydrated from a two hour workout and dying for water. I popped my trunk, grabbed the water bottle filled with vodka and took three shots to the dome before puking all over the car next to mine. Moral of the story? Don't park next to cabriolet Porsches.

#8
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I agree, you are screwed (5) - You deserved that one (28)

Oct 18, 2009 04:13 PM - Human Excretions - by AlexMonroe

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The night after I was drunk in Normandy, France on a post-graduation trip, my group's tour bus left for Omaha Beach at 7am in the morning. We got there and my buddy was boasting about how he got so drunk that he passed out, woke up, and hopped on the bus in the same clothes he wore the day before. I took out my digital camera to show him the pictures we took of him after we sharpied in a small mustache and dressed him up like Hitler when we noticed a warm frothy lather stained on the crotch of his pants – the same pants he was boasting about still wearing. Moral of the story? Always have a camera.

#5
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I agree, you are screwed (15) - You deserved that one (3)

Oct 17, 2009 04:48 PM - Human Excretions - by BrothaJonze

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When I was drunk last new years eve, I took a bunch of carbombs, passed out on the hardwood floor in my buds kitchen and puked all over the floor. When I came to I surveyed the area for my vomit which was gone. In its place was a very happy golden retriever. Moral of the story? Always Have a dog.

#4
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I agree, you are screwed (32) - You deserved that one (7)

Oct 16, 2009 08:04 PM - Animals - by BrothaJonze

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