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When I was drunk, my buddy's girlfriend was nice enough to be our DD. She drove us all around Santa Monica to different bars. It was about 1:15 in the morning and we stopped to get one last beer. At the bar my buddy started to tell me a story about how he was banging his girlfriend doggystyle when his dick slipped out of her hatchet wound and plunged into her butthole. When he pulled out, his girlfriend ripped a ferocious fart that my buddy described as, "an unholy stench." We heard a voice clear behind us and we realized that she had been standing there throughout the duration of the story. I don't think he got laid that night.

#11
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I agree, you are screwed (62) - You deserved that one (18)

Oct 18, 2009 06:33 PM - Human Excretions - by DannyBoy23

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When I was drunk, I went to brush something off my cheek and it was the floor.

#24
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I agree, you are screwed (58) - You deserved that one (42)

Oct 22, 2009 08:13 PM - Fail - by Marlowe

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Preface: I didn’t remember any of this until I saw the video. I blacked out one night and told my buddy to follow me with the video camera. I summoned the elevator of our apartment. When the door opened I walked in and immediately dropped trou. I defecated two massive logs on the carpeted floor, picked it up and hurled it against the wall. The shit plopped in a perfect circle and stuck. It was there for three days before some poor soul had to scrape it off. Moral of the story…. well I guess there is no moral.

#19
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I agree, you are screwed (56) - You deserved that one (12)

Oct 19, 2009 09:35 PM - Human Excretions - by Mad Shitter

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One night while my friends and I were getting drunk, we started running dangerously low on alcohol. Knowing that this was unacceptable, I started to search my apartment for some saving grace. Sadly, all I could find was some left-over mayonnaise and a lava lamp. So, i did the obvious...broke open the lava lamp, and took a swig of the contents inside. The next day after vomiting profusely, I realized I had a fever and the worst stomach cramps I have ever had. I survived the ordeal, only to have white hair start growing on one side of my face a few days later.

#72
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I agree, you are screwed (56) - You deserved that one (44)

Dec 4, 2009 11:11 AM - Shamings - by Zacher

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When I was drunk at a buddy's party, one of our friends got completely wasted and passed out. Another of our friends was blackout drunk at the time as well, and decided he wanted to teabag the passed out guy. So he climbs onto the recliner the guy was passed out in, drops trou, and right as he teabags him, accidentally shits a massive hershey squirt directly onto the guy's nose. The guy freaks out, pulls his pants up, and runs out of the party without another word. Moral of the story? Don't get too shitfaced or you'll get shitfaced.

#29
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I agree, you are screwed (50) - You deserved that one (7)

Sep 9, 6933 12:56 PM - Human Excretions - by N

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When I was drunk my buddies were getting pissed at me because apparently I wouldn't shut up about leaving the bar to get food at Wendy's. Eventually they said "fine" and we left. This is me a few hours later: http://imgur.com/CTNbp.jpg

#45
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I agree, you are screwed (39) - You deserved that one (38)

Nov 12, 2009 01:03 PM - Shamings - by Alex232

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When I was drunk last new years eve, I took a bunch of carbombs, passed out on the hardwood floor in my buds kitchen and puked all over the floor. When I came to I surveyed the area for my vomit which was gone. In its place was a very happy golden retriever. Moral of the story? Always Have a dog.

#4
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I agree, you are screwed (32) - You deserved that one (7)

Oct 16, 2009 08:04 PM - Animals - by BrothaJonze

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I went to Philly to go out with my GF and her coworkers for a birthday. We went on a "party bus" and it was an open bar but only for 2 hrs, so I went to town. I was left behind at the bar. I went looking for the bus, tripped on cobblestone slicing up my elbow. When I got on the bus, I picked a fight with my GF, then a random guy, opened the exit with the bus moving, and then kicked myself off the bus with no warm clothing or phone. I then wandered around Philly until I went into a bus station, thought bums were following me, left, grabbed a cab, driver ripped me off for $100, last i remember i was on a bench outside target at 4 am. I woke up at 9 in a porsche w/ no shoes, covered in blood.

#95
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I agree, you are screwed (31) - You deserved that one (11)

Dec 7, 2009 02:51 PM - Relationships - by JeffH

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